Murtagh vs Azula
by giorgirockon
Summary: Galbatorix finds out his daughter is visiting the castle--and she's bringing his mother in law!
1. Prologue

Wind howled through the rainy night, carrying a scent that would change the world. A messenger approached King Galbatorix's palace at Uru-Baen. He momentarily paused to look fearfully up at the red dragon and rider circling overhead. Lightning flashed and he quickly rushed into the safety of the palace.

He knocked on the king's throne room door, glancing at the parchment he held in his hand. He shuddered as he thought of the king's wrath when he heard the news. Galbatorix bade him enter, and he did so.

As he approached the throne, he kowtowed three times. Then he held out the parchment to the mad king, hands trembling as he thought of what would happen when the king read—

"WHAT?!?! MY MOTHER-IN-LAW IS COMING TO STAY WITH US?!?!" The king roared. The messenger trembled.

The messenger was almost trembling to hard to speak. "Y-Yes, your majesty. She's bringing your daughter too, Serafina, I think was her name?"

"I KNOW HER NAME! WHEN ARE THEY COMING? I HAVE TO HIDE!" The king was panicking, looking around fearfully as if the guests were already standing before him.

"T-They had just set out when I arrived. They should be here in a matter of hours." The messenger cringed away as he said this. The king was known for shooting his messengers.

"HOURS? THAT'S NOT ENOUGH TIME! HIDE ME! YOU HAVE TO HIDE ME!" The king was close to having a nervous breakdown now, the messenger's teeth were chattering so hard that he couldn't answer.

In his rage, the king sent a blast of magical energy at the messenger, taking off part of his head. The messenger was dead before he hit the ground. The king quickly looked around for someone to hide behind. Suddenly the door swung open. Two pairs of eyes glowed out from the darkness.

A voice said, "Galbatorix, I'm ba-ack."


	2. Chapter 1

Murtagh and Thorn knocked on the king's throne room door. No one answered. He looked up and found a note taped to the door. It said:

_Murtagh:_

_Gone into hiding. Evil force in castle. Meet Shruikan and me in our emergency meeting spot._

_Galbatorix_

Murtagh had no idea why the king would go into hiding, as he often bragged that he feared nothing, and if the palace was ever attacked he would stand his ground and fight.

_This is weird. _He thought to Thorn. _What unspeakable evil could drive him away from his throne room?_

_I have no idea. We'd better get there before we find it. _Thorn replied.

When they got to the emergency meeting place (the torture chamber), they found the king and Shruikan squeezed into a corner, which was hard for a huge dragon that nearly filled half the room and a man who had lately been packing on the pounds, despite all his efforts.

The king looked extremely relieved to see him. "Murtagh! You can't imagine how glad I am to see you! My mother-in-law is here!" The king said fearfully. "You have to hide me!"

Murtagh was stunned. "Your mother-in-law!? You went into hiding from your mother-in-law!? What kind of man are you!?"

"All men are afraid of their mothers-in-law! It's the natural order of things!" The king said defensively. "Besides, that woman is EVIL! EVIL, I tell you!"

Murtagh, thinking that was pretty rich coming from someone who had forced him to attend a Kelly Clarkson concert, chose not to reply.

"Anyway, what I need you to do for me is watch my daughter while she's here. Her name is Azula, she's sixteen, and just so you know she's a bit of a handful. She—"

"Don't worry, my king," Murtagh interrupted. "She's only sixteen. What harm can she do?" And with that, he strode out of the dungeon.

"She's taken your room," the king called after him.

"Whatever!"

The king looked after him with a sober expression. "Fool." He suddenly chuckled. _How long do you think he'll last, Shruikan? _

_I give him a week. No, on second thought, five days. _

_I give him three._

_Oh, you simply must get a video of this._

_Yes! And then we can post in on the Internet!_


	3. Chapter 2

Murtagh stepped into what had once been his room. It had been painted pink overnight, and Azula was in the act of throwing the last of his stuff out the window. She turned around and looked at him as if he were a parasite not worthy of her attention.

"What the hell are you doing here, you parasite not worthy of my attention? I thought I told my dad I didn't want any visitors until I'd thrown out all this trash!" She said in a snooty tone.

Murtagh was quite taken aback. "Hi. I'm the former owner of this room." He said.

"Oh. You don't look the type to paint your nails hot pink."

Thorn… 

_Hang on Murtagh, I'm trying to paint my nails hot pink._

"By the way, I broke your rock..."

"What rock?!"

"The green one. When I picked it up, it started squeaking, and then it started cracking open. I put it in my closet. And I must say the protections around were pretty pitiful. I broke through in a matter of seconds."

Murtagh rushed to the closet in a panic. How could she have broken the impossibly powerful spells around the last dragon egg? Even Galbatorix found them to be a burden, and definitely not pitiful! And how did she even know it was there? The Twins couldn't even find it, and Murtagh and Galbatorix could only find because they knew where it was in the first place! What kind of all-powerful sorceress is this princess?

He opened the closet, only to find the remains of his polished jade stone, the pride of his rock collection. "THIS IS WHAT YOU MEANT BY "GREEN FREAKIN' ROCK?!""

"Yeah. Although I also broke your other one, and a baby dragon came out! She went out to hunt."

"SHE?! IT'S A BOY!!"

"No, it's not. It told me. It's a girl, and I named it Esmeralda, and I bet she can beat up your wuss of a dragon!"

"WHATEVER GENDER IT IS, YOUR LITTLE DRAGON COULDN'T HOLD A CANDLE TO MINE!!!! AND HE'S NOT A WUSS! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW HE IS QUITE MANLY INDEED!" Murtagh was ticked.

_Murtagh, I stubbed my toe! Will you come kiss it? And will you bring my teddy bear and blankie?_

_Thorn, this isn't a good time! I'm trying to prove your manliness!_

_Yo._

_What the hell are you doing listening in on our mental conversation, you freak!_

_Who's that, Murtagh? Is it my teddy bear?_

_My dragon doesn't need a teddy bear, and she's only two days old!_

_SHUT UP!_

_Murtagh, are you telling my daughter to shut up?_

_Master! What are you doing listening to our mental conversation?_

_I always do. And Shruikan doesn't need a teddy bear either._

Murtagh cut off the mental conversation.

Azula smirked. "Also, I'm planning to go on a road trip with some of my friends, so you have to watch my pets."

"FINE!!! I HOPE YOU NEVER COME BACK!"

"Okay, these are my cats. I care very much about their welfare, so PAY ATTENTION!!! This one is Sir Pufficus Flufficus III,(she gestured to the ball of white fur with blue eyes) and this is Princess Sparkles of the Land of Happy Rainbows.(she gestured to the ball of white fur with green eyes) You can just call them Sir and Princess, though."

Murtagh was appalled. "Those are the fattest cats I've ever seen!"

Azula glared. "They are very sensitive about their weight, and if you're going to make snide comments, I'm going to get my dad-who-rules-this-country to get you and your wuss dragon executed!"

From far away Murtagh heard Thorn shriek like a female dragon hatchling.

_Murtagh, you still haven't kissed my toe, and if you don't do it, no one will! My teddy bear isn't alive, you know!_

_Thorn, you have once again chosen the worst moment to act un-manly._

Murtagh broke contact. It disgusted him to think that Azula might be right about something.

"I heard that conversation." Azula sneered. "Anyway, you have to feed them a balanced diet every day. Here's their meal schedule. Blue is for Sir and green is for Princess."

Murtagh looked at the meal schedule. He was disgusted to learn that the cats ate better than he did! Caviar… Roast boar… white wine… "You'll have to pay for it with your own money, you know." Said Azula.

"Whatever. I don't care about money." Murtagh retorted.

"What do you mean?" Azula was surprised. "Money is what makes the world go 'round! It's money that keeps this castle in its fine condition! It's money that lets my father rule this country! And judging by your dragon's smell, it's money that keeps him in scented soaps."

_Murtagh, we're out of rose scented body wash! And can you pick me up some more lavender moisturizer and citrus exfoliant? _

_THORN!_

_And while you're at it, get some tropical breeze deodorant/antiperspirant, my orange scented shampoo and my orchid scented conditioner?_

_OH MY GOD!_

_ Well then, at least get the moisturizer. My skin is all scaly!_

_ARRRGH! THORN! REAL MALE DRAGONS DON'T __CARE __ABOUT THEIR SCENT!_

"Anyway, my friends will be here soon, so," Azula was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Azula? We're here!" said a voice outside.

Azula rushed to get the door. "Hey guys! Murtagh, this is Alicia and Aimee." Two girls around Azula's age walked in. "This is Murtagh, my 'babysitter.'" She said, using the hand gesture where you use your index and middle fingers as quotation marks. "Let's go, girls! I got a dragon, so we can travel in style now! 'Bye, Murtagh!" And the door shut behind them. Murtagh saw Esmeralda, who he had thought was a male until now, fly off into the distance from the window.

"Get him!" Screeched a tiny voice. Murtagh whirled around to see that it was one of the squirrels from the palace courtyard, poised to spring with a tiny sword on top of a table. He raised his sword, and the rest of them appeared behind him. "DIEEEEEEE!!!" They screeched.

They pounced on him. The Prince Pookynose and Lady Wuzzyhead bit his neck while a flock of pigeons tried to peck his eyes out and Zuzzynose and Furry sat on his stomach.

_THORN! HELP ME! I'M BEING ATTACKED BY SMALL ANIMALS!_

_Hold on, Murtagh, I'm trying to paint my claws hot pink._

_ARRRGHHH!_

They tied him up and brought him before the two cats. "He shall be executed, by drowning!" proclaimed Sir Pufficus Flufficus III. They flung him into the River Galby. He swam down it, and soon found himself in the ocean. A ship was nearby, and it picked him up. He quickly realized it was a pirate ship.

"Jack, we don't have time for this guy! We have to save Elizabeth!" Said a young man.

"Look, we'll save her at the opportune moment, savvy?" Said a man that Murtagh assumed was the captain. He pulled out a compass which Murtagh saw didn't point north.

Just then, another ship with black sails sailed up and started blasting their cannons at them. A man with a monkey on his shoulder swung over.

"Jack, Will, we meet again. I'll call my crew off if you give me a ton of apples!" He said. Two more men swung over. "Where's my eye?" One asked.

"Guys, will you just let me onto shore?" Inquired Murtagh. They nodded, and a mute man with a parrot on his shoulder rowed Murtagh to shore.

Back at the palace, Murtagh found that the door to Azula's room had been barricaded shut, and any attempts to open the door where repelled by tiny arrows shooting from slits in the door. When Murtagh persisted, the door opened a crack, and tiny catapults were brought out. A pebble shot from one hit Murtagh on the temple and knocked him out.

"Murtagh? What are you doing on the ground?" It was Azula and her friends. "We're back from our trip. How are my cats?"

"Swell." Gasped Murtagh. Thorn looked in the window.

_Murtagh, I finished with my nails. _

_Too late Thorn. You know, I wonder if you're really a female dragon and I never noticed._

_No, I'm male. Just because I paint my nails hot pink and use scented soaps doesn't make me gender confused!_


	4. Chapter 3

_Murtagh._

_What?_

_Murtagh._

_What?_

_Murtagh. Murtagh._

_What? What?_

_Murtagh!_

_What?_

_MURTAGH._

_WHAT?_

_**MURTAGH!**_

_**WHAT?!?**_

_Hi._

_HI?! YOU WOKE ME UP AT FIVE IN THE MORNING TO SAY HI?!?! YOU PINK-CLAWED, SCENTED-SOAP-USING, TEDDY-BEAR-HUGGING, SISSY!_

_That wasn't a very nice thing to say, Murtagh! I just wanted your opinion on whether my claw polish is even!_

_TOUGH LUCK, YOU—_

Murtagh went on to say a number of ghastly swear words inappropriate for a fic that is read by children. Eventually, he got worn out from shouting so long.

Y_OU STUPID—_he broke off as he fell back onto his bed snoring.

Thorn settled back down and sighed. His shur'tugal was so out of touch with his feminine side.

Azula walked in, accompanied by Galbatorix and a young dragon about a week old, already half his size (green dragons are known for their huge growth spurt in their first two weeks of life). Thorn brightened when he saw the dragon, she was the first of his species he had seen besides Shruikan, and he was so old and grumpy. She was prettier than Shruikan, too.

_Hi! I'm Thorn! What's your name?_

Esmeralda looked up at him like she didn't want him to talk to her and that he was a loser.

_I don't want you to talk to me, you loser._

_Why?_

_Because I don't associate with losers._

Hurt, Thorn picked at a chip in his claw polish.

_I'm not a loser!_

_Yes you are._

_No, I'm not!_

_Yes you are._

_Am not!_

_Are too._

_Am not!_

_Are too._

_No!_

_Yes._

_No!_

_Yes._

_Esmeralda, what are you doing talking to the idiot's dragon?_

_Azula, this dweeb says he's not a loser._

_Tell it like it is, sister._

"Anyway," said Galbatorix, "Murtagh—Murtagh? WAKE UP!"

Murtagh stirred groggily. "Five more minutes."

"No. Sit up and listen to me!"

Murtagh reluctantly obeyed. He had a hangover from last night, and he was always especially grumpy when he had a hangover.

"WHAT THE HECK DID YOU GET ME UP FOR YOU POMPOUS BUFFOON?!" He yelled at Galbatorix.

Oh dear, thought Thorn, now he's going to get it.

"DON'T YOU BACKSASS ME, MISTER! NOW SHUT UP AND LISTEN!" Galbatorix shouted.

"Wow. Harsh." Murtagh said, cowed.

"Now then, you have to teach Esmeralda and Azula all the things a good dragon and rider should know. Shruikan and I would do it gladly, but you know how grumpy he gets. Get to it! Now!" He strode out of the room.

Murtagh groaned. He hated Azula, the past week had been nothing but torture. She had made him do all sorts of undignified things! He had finally gotten so frustrated with it all that last night he went out and had twenty beers. His head felt like it was on fire. But, wait a second! He was the teacher, and she was the student! She had to do what he said! The tables had turned!

"Okay, listen up!" He said. "Over your training you and your dragon will do exactly what I say, when I say it! Do I make my self perfectly clear?!?"

"Sir! No, sir!" Azula sneered. "I'm not doing anything you say, and if you try and make me, I'll show Daddy that picture of you at his Christmas party last year that I found in your sock drawer!"

"Which one?" asked Murtagh.

"The one in the fountain!"

He gasped. Azula was truly evil. "You wouldn't!"

"I would." Said Azula with finality. "Do _I _make myself clear?"

"Claritin, sir." Said Murtagh dejectedly. Murtagh was disappointed. For once he thought he could have been in charge. He meekly followed Azula to the training hall.

Six hours later….

Murtagh and Thorn retired to their favorite oak tree. Murtagh was exhausted. Azula had turned out to be better than he was at EVERYTHING! She could use every weapon in the Imperial weaponry with unnatural skill, she could use magic with astounding proficiency, and she and Esmeralda were better friends than he and Thorn! It wasn't fair!

Suddenly Azula's voice sounded in his and Thorn's heads.

_Esmeralda and I are going out to fly. See you two later._

_FINE! I HOPE YOU GET CAPTURED BY PIRATES!_

But no one had ever told Murtagh to be careful what he wished for, because it might come true.

"WHERE IS AZULA? SHE HASN'T COME BACK FROM HER RIDE WITH ESMERALDA!" Galbatorix was crazy (er) with worry. So was Thorn.

_Oh my gosh! Where could Esmeralda be? What if Murtagh's wish came true?!? Oh, why didn't anyone tell that boy to be careful what he wished for! If anything happened to her I'll never forgive myself for letting her go!_

_Thorn, what are you fussing about? It's good that Azula and her stupid dragon are gone._

_Esmeralda isn't stupid!_

_Whatever._

Galbatorix strode in. "I'm sending out a search party to look for Azula!"

_Good for you!_

_No Thorn! Bad for him! Bad!_

_"_I even brought an old friend of yours back to life!" Galbatorix said.

"Who might that be?" Murtagh inquired.

Durza walked in. "Murtagh, my man!"

"Durza! Dude, haven't seen you since Eragon stabbed you in the heart! How ya been doing?" Murtagh and Durza had been roommates in college and been best friends.

"Well the whole "dead" thing wasn't turning out to be so great, so I was glad Galby brought me back!" Durza said, high-fiving Murtagh.

"And then I also got someone else you guys would also know. And don't call me Galby!" Said Galby.

Then someone else walked in. Murtagh and Durza went pale.

"Oh." Said Durza.

"My." Said Murtagh.

"God." Said Durza.


	5. Chapter 3 Part 2

Where we last left our heroes... 

Azula has gone out for a ride on Esmeralda and mysteriously disappeared.

Murtagh is about to embark on a search party with Thorn, Durza, and another person to look for Azula and Esmeralda.

Durza has just been brought back from the dead to help Murtagh, Thorn and the other people to find Azula and Esmeralda.

Another person has just walked into the room, much to the distress and dismay of Murtagh and Durza.

And now: Murtagh vs. Azula: Chapter Three, Part Two! 

"You!" said Durza, pointing at them. Mori was a shade that had been in a sorority at their college. She had made their lives miserable, and what's more Durza had a huge crush on her. Murtagh had repeatedly asked him why he had a crush on a girl who made his life miserable, but he never gave a straight answer. It was same with Thorn and Esmeralda, he supposed.

"Hello, Mori." Said Murtagh in a tone that suggested that he hated her guts and instead of saying hello to her he wanted to be saying goodbye.

"Hello, Murtagh." Said Mori in the same sort of tone.

"Now, now, kids." Said Galbatorix. "Try and get along for just this one time so we can find Azula! Then you can go back to your usual ways."

"So, Mori, what are you doing this Saturday night?" Asked Durza. Mori kicked him in the shins. While he was hopping about in pain, and the shade-ette was laughing, Murtagh was talking to Galbatorix in hushed tones.

"You really don't expect us to get along with her, do you? I mean, she made our lives miserable in college!" Murtagh protested.

"Ah yes, good old Uru'Baen University. I went there when I was your age, my boy!" Said Galbatorix.

"Okay, number one, I'm not your "boy," and number two, she gave us more trouble in college than Azula could give us in our entire lifetimes!" Murtagh said.

"Don't you talk about my baby girl like that!" Galby said indignantly. "She's very sweet!"

Murtagh, seeing there was no reasoning with him, sat back to enjoy watching Durza in agony.

In another part of Alagaesia, Azula was tied up on the deck of a pirate ship. Esmeralda was tied up next to her, and two pirates were arguing over them.

"Jack, I told you a million times, this is not Elizabeth! Elizabeth doesn't have a dragon!" One said.

"Look, Will, I held up my end of the bargain, now you help me find the Key to the Dead Man's Chest, savvy?" Jack said.

"This is not Elizabeth! Until you find the real Elizabeth, I'm not helping you find your stupid key!" Will said.

Just then, a much bigger ship with barnacles all over it sailed over and started attacking Jack and Will's ship. A guy with an octopus head jumped onto their ship.

"Jack! You have a debt to pay! You owe me your soul! That was the agreement. Time's up!" he said.

Giant octopus tentacles started to crush the ship, and Azula caught a whiff of foul breath.

Jack quickly grabbed a jar of dirt and held it in front of him. "Hey Davy! Look what I've got! I've got a jar of dirt! I've got a jar of dirt! And guess what's inside it!" He tripped and fell, smashing the jar. Dirt spilled out over the deck.

Jack sifted through it frantically. "Where's the Heart?!" He screeched.

Will confronted the octopus headed guy. "You have my father on that ship! I will rescue him!"

Azula and Esmeralda huddled together and tried to dodge the octopus tentacles.

Back at the palace, Murtagh, Durza, and Mori were about to set off. Galbatorix was standing on the steps waving goodbye to them. They all got onto Thorn and soon they flew off at top speed.

Galbatorix turned to go back inside when Azula came flying up to the castle on Esmeralda.

"Hey daddy!" said Azula.

"Azula?! But I just sent a search party out looking for you!"

"Yeah, these weird pirates were holding me prisoner but I escaped. What's for dinner?"

"That fried chicken that I adore! Let's go eat!"

And without another thought to the search party, that went inside.

They had been searching for three days. They hadn't gotten very much sleep and they were all on edge. Even Durza hadn't asked Mori why she wouldn't date him for more than three minutes.

They were tracking her across the ocean with magic. They came to a ship that was being crushed by octopus tentacles. Azula and Esmeralda were presumably being dragged under with the ship. Thorn was frantic.

_Murtagh! What do we do?! _

_I don't know Thorn! No dragon could get there that fast! Especially not a wimp like you who paints his claws hot pink!_

_Hey, it takes a real man to wear pink!_

Thorn cut off the communication. Determined to save Esmeralda, he folded his wings and dropped straight down while Murtagh and Durza clung to each other and screamed like girls.

Thorn couldn't get there in time, just as Murtagh predicted. They all splashed into the water, however, and got soaked. By the time they got back to Uru'Baen, they were all in a mess.

"Okay," said Murtagh in hushed tones. "When I break the news to him, everyone rush in and inject him with the sedatives I gave you. Everyone got it?" They all nodded.

Murtagh slowly entered the study. Galbatorix turned in his direction. "Murtagh, my boy! What're you doing here?"

Murtagh braced himself. "Um… we didn't find Azula. We think she got dragged down to the bottom of the sea by a pirate ship that was being attacked by a kraken."

"What are you talking about? Azula got back as soon as you left!"

Murtagh ran to his room, shut the door, grabbed a pillow off his bed, and screamed into it for three hours straight. The others, assuming he had been driven mad by Galbatorix's reaction, rushed in and tried to inject him with the sedatives. Galby, assuming it was a Varden attack, blew them out the door with magic. It wasn't until Azula saw the "rescuers" lying on the ground outside her father's study on her way to ask him for a raise in her allowance did they learn the whole story.


	6. Chapter 4

Azula looked up from her letter. "Good news from my identical twin with the same name living in another dimension. Her plans to take over the earth people's city went very well, and now she's controlling it.

_Hmm. This must be good for the fire people._ Esmeralda thought.

"I know. AND her brother, who got exiled from her country, is working for her again."

_I hope that air person doesn't get her next time._

"That would be terrible."

Mori rushed in, interrupting their just-barely-avoiding-copyright-lawsuits conversation.

She stopped ten paces away from her and kowtowed three times in an ancient Chinese salute of respect for the empress. "Azula! Your father told me that there is a dragon egg hidden high in the highest peaks of the highest mountains of the Beor Mountains in a temple inhabited by a sect of monks! He said that he wants to see you and Murtagh right now!"

Azula pulled out a magical orb that allowed her to talk to people from great distances away(just so everyone knows, this is the Alagaesian version of a cell phone). "Daddy?" She said in her sweetest good girl voice. "If I get that egg for you, will you get me a better cell orb?"

"Of course, sweetheart! You can have whatever you want." Azula released the magic and pocketed the orb. "Let's go girls!"

"Wait, Azula, there's only one of me, so you should be saying 'let's go, girl!' instead of 'let's go, girls!' Just so you use the proper grammar." Corrected Mori.

"Okay, then, let's go girl!"

Murtagh was carefully writing a letter to the king about how evil Azula was when Durza burst in. "MURTAGH! EGG! MOUNTAINS! TOO MUCH COFFEE! HYPER!!!!!"

"Whoa, you're seriously high. I'm going to go get you some sedatives." Murtagh quickly left the room.

Durza blinked a shimmery copy of Murtagh had appeared where he had been standing. "Who are you?!" he asked.

"I'm Murtagh's vapor trail, although we're all just parts of the same consciousness." Said Murtagh's vapor trail.

"I was thinking the same thing," Durza said. "Only with coffee."

"Say, let's go get some coffee!" said the vapor trail.

"ALL RIGHT!!!!!!!!!" Durza shouted. They left.

"Here we go, some educational television for my seriously high roommate." Said Murtagh, walking in. "OMG! WHERE'S DURZA?!?"

Durza was getting coffee with Murtagh's vapor trail. They drank coffee until Durza's high wore off and he went back to their room.

As soon as he walked in Murtagh jumped up. "DURZA! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!"

"I have no idea! Yippee!" Durza said. "Anyway, Galby told me that there is a dragon egg in the Beor Mountains and we have to go find it! Oh, and if we find it first, Azula will go back home!"

"Okay!" said Murtagh, putting on his Indiana Jones style hat.

Azula and Mori landed at the foot of the mountain. "This is it! At the top is our prize and a new cell orb for me!"

_Can we download some cool ringtones?_

_Sure, Esmeralda. Daddy is paying so we can do whatever we want._

"Not so fast!" Thorn landed gracefully, and then promptly tripped over his own foot, sending Murtagh and Durza slamming into the mountain, sending an avalanche crashing down on them.

"Well, that was a pretty lame entrance, I must say. Since they're knocked out, let's go get the eggs and leave these losers!" Said Mori.

"But I love you!" came Durza's muffled voice.

"Shut up Durza!" came Murtagh's muffled voice.

But they were already soaring up the mountain.

When they got to the top, there was a rickety-looking bridge that led to the temple. They cautiously got on, and it began to move under them toward the temple. An automated voice came on.

"Welcome to our crazy sect. Please step to the side to let faster pilgrims by." They stepped onto the other side. Azula lightly tapped a few places in the door, then stomped her foot, causing the door to fall down.

"Cool trick, but now that we're out of that avalanche, those eggs are ours, foo!" said Durza. "Also, I'm free Friday, do you want to go see a movie, Mori?"

Murtagh grimaced. "I hate this job."

Azula and Mori dashed down the corridor, narrowly avoiding the poisoned darts being shot from the walls. When they entered the egg chamber, Mori rushed toward the egg.

"Wait!" shouted Azula, triggering sound activated spears to come shooting down from the ceiling. Azula then quickly grabbed the egg. A boulder started rolling towards them. They ran out the door, just as Murtagh and Durza ran in the door and were nearly flattened by the boulder in a total cliché.

The boulder, not being able to fit through the door, blocked the way out of the chamber.

"Well, this sucks." Said Durza.

Azula and Mori ran out of the temple. Their way was blocked by three monks.

"Give us that egg back! It's our property!" shrieked one, which looked suspiciously like one of the Twins. Azula used magic to slam his head into the mountain. He voiced several opinions that their mothers were prostitutes and implied that he would sue them, only with more swear words.

The other monks took martial arts stances.

"Uh-oh. Monks that live in a crazy sect on the top of a mountain are famous for their martial arts skills." Said Mori.

"Actually, we only use martial arts for exercise. We're pacifists!" Said a monk, doing the peace sign.

Knowing this, Azula and Mori locked the monks in a broom closet.

"Don't worry. We can eat our own shoes for food!" said a monk.

"Ugh! This is the worst crazy sect I've ever been in!" said another.

Back home in Uru'Baen, they scryed Murtagh and Durza trying to get out of the egg chamber. Murtagh was slamming his head against a wall saying, "Why me?!" and Durza was seriously caffeine deprived and was on the verge of going insane.

"That is hilarious!" said Azula. "Hold this egg while I go get some popcorn, Mori."

She deftly threw the egg at Mori, who caught it equally deftly. When Azula came back with popcorn, she inquired as to the eggs location.

"Uh, you'd better look at this." Said Mori. There in her lap was an indigo baby dragon.

"Oh my gosh!" shouted Azula, who didn't use chat-speak like Murtagh. "We'd better go tell my dad!"

Suddenly a joy-filled screech was heard from the scrying orb. Apparently the egg chamber was made of solid caffeine. Durza had apparently gone so insane that he had started licking the wall, and was now biting it as only a caffeine addict can do to the walls of a caffeine egg chamber.

Azula and Mori looked at each other. "We have to tell your dad about my new dragon, but how can we miss this?" asked Mori.

Azula said, "We can do both, now that I have a Sivo! We can pause what we scry and come back to it later, or we could record it!"

"Nice! Let's go show your dad my dragon!" exclaimed Mori. They ran off while Murtagh and Durza were paused.

Galbatorix was also scrying Murtagh and Durza trying to get out of the egg chamber.

_Ha! I wish they'd had entertainment like this when we were young. And with our new Sivo, we can pause our scrying and rewind when we want to see something again!_

_Definitely. The Sivo is truly a wonder of the ages._

Mori and Azula burst in with an indigo baby dragon. "Dad! The egg hatched for Mori! And did you scry Murtagh and Durza trying to get out of the egg chamber?"

"Yes, I have it Sivoed. Now what's this about Mori?"

"The egg hatched for her!" Azula was nearly exploding with excitement.

"Splendid! Now we won't have those stupid beggar brats sullying up my preciousssss… I mean my egg!" Galbatorix corrected himself swiftly.

At that moment, Murtagh and Durza burst in the door. "We're back! We got out!" Murtagh was in jubilation.

"COOOOFFFEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!" yelled Durza, bouncing off the walls.


End file.
